I know you. Honestly, most days I am you. The girl who thinks she’s unworthy of love, just unlovable to the core. I know you all too well. I’m sure a lot of us females can relate.
You find a man. The perfect, handsome, well-put-together man that you could see an honest future with. You date. You fall in love. You look at him and think, "How did I get so lucky?" But then, it tragically ends and you sit alone at night, crying, thinking it’s something you did. Pleading to whatever God you believe in to make the pain stop, because it feels like the heartache is going to suffocate you slowly. Maybe, you’re just too unlovable, romantically unreachable. Maybe you didn't deserve him. Maybe it was your flaws and imperfections and mood swings that chased him away. Maybe you're destined to be alone.
Merriam Webster’s definition of unlovable states, “Is incapable of inspiring love or admiration : not having attractive or appealing qualities : not lovable.” My definition is “Someone who doesn’t believe they deserve to be loved or someone who doesn’t think anyone could ever love and cherish them.”
It’s heartbreaking, imagining you’re the reason for your own decaying and disgraceful love life. You constantly belittle yourself into believing false and unrealistic self-judging data that it starts to become undeniable truth through your eyes. Your self-preservation doesn’t ignite so you’re left wandering aimlessly through your degrading thoughts about not only yourself, but love, too.
You anxiously plead that someone, anyone, will look at you with hunger in their eyes, a look that implies that they see the real you, the lovable, caring, worthy, you. "That day will come soon. Just be patient," they tell you. How many times have you heard that line? So many times that it's like your own personal anthem replaying constantly in your head.
Giving up on love altogether would be the easy choice, the most "practical" decision in your self-denying imagination. Don't put yourself on the back burner just because that's where you think you deserve to be. You need to work every day on being a better you.
Over the years, I've learned that falling in love with yourself is first priority. Don’t wage war with yourself, instead embrace the beauty you’ve been blessed with. Each and every day remind yourself that you’re lovable and worthy of pure and passionate and everlasting love. You just haven't found that special someone that's able to handle all your worth. He'll come, and when he does, the wait will be completely worth all the heartache, self-doubt and worry. Every ounce of pain you felt, will vanish when you finally find him. Just don't give up so easily. Don't ever give up on yourself. You are priority. You are worthy. You are everything. And most importantly, you are lovable.
Olivia Howe. 25 years old. Author, Blogger, and Reviewer. 3 cats. 1 dog. TV Show fanatic. Lover of all things makeup, animals, books, The Bachelor, blogging, sloths, lifting at the gym and salads.