 You love him. He came into your life and saved you, changed you for the better. You were in a tough place and ready to give up. He came out of nowhere and made you see all the good in yourself. He gave you your life back.
But... he was also toxic... too toxic for you. You don’t want to let him go because you owe him everything for picking up your pieces and opening your eyes to your real worth and beauty. You’re stuck. Confused. What do you do? You love him too much. You don’t think you can be whole without him. He has demons he’s fighting. They are taking over, controlling him, brainwashing him. He’s not the same. He’s not the man you fell so madly in love with. You want to help him fight them off, like he did for you, but you’re drained. You already went to war with him and he surrendered, giving up on himself. He refused your help. He refused to be saved. In the end, he turned his back on you. So, when is it time to move on? That’s the million dollar question. Just know, you’ll be okay without him. Sometimes people have to learn to help themselves. You can’t save everyone. It’s him or you. Who will you choose? Sometimes people come into your life and save you. They change you for the better. They fix all your broken pieces. But, then they leave, their presence still lingers. Still has a finger around your heart. It hurts. You cry. You feel heartbroken. The next day is easier. The day after that is even easier. Then one day, you’ll wake up, and finally be able to breathe again. Choose yourself.
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 We all need a good cry once in a while. This blog post was only supposed to be 5 Movies That Will Make You Ugly Cry... BUT... it turned into 10 AND extras... Here are 10 Movies That Will Make You Ugly Cry 1. P.S. I Love You
Dear Holly, 2. Southpaw
The more you get hit, the harder you fight. 3. The Green Mile
4. Marley & Me
5. The Vow
6. Stepmom
I have their past.....and you can have their future. 7. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
A story of innocence in a world of ignorance. 8. Titanic
9. The Pursuit of Happyness
10. Room
EXTRAS My family and friends picked their #1 saddest movie ever watched!
Several of my books including The Dark Love Series (Dark Love and Seeing Red), The Killer Novella Series (Killer and Savage) and The Castello Holiday Novella Series (7 Days of Christmas and I'm Yours) are being unpublished and taken down from all online retailers for a short period of time. They will not be available for purchase anywhere. I will be re-editing and re-vamping them! They'll be available again very soon! Pretty Bird and First and Only WILL still be available for purchase in paperback and eBook.
Love, Olivia P.S. New books in the works that will be published soon! Keep an eye out! 
 1. Accept yourself. Accept who you are. Love all of your flaws and imperfections. They make you beautiful and unique. Before you can truly find yourself, you need to accept yourself exactly the way you are. 2. Start relying on yourself. Trusting others is important and it’s always helpful to rely on others for help sometimes. But, learn to rely on yourself first. Trust your ability to get the job done yourself. This goes for emotional support, too. It’s a beautiful feeling to be able to emotionally and physically help yourself. 3. Overcome bad habits. Stop smoking. Stop drinking alcohol. Stop chewing your fingernails. Stop doubting yourself. Stop all those nasty habits that you KNOW are bad for you. Start believing in yourself. Start living a healthy life. Start overcoming obstacles and fears. 4. Rediscover your values. Our personal values represents our individual essence of who we are. Values tend to guide every aspect of our lives. You need to rediscover your personal values to really be able to find yourself. What's important to you? Some common values are health and well-being, patience, comfort, growth, fearlessness, acceptance, exploration, family, friendship, commitment, selflessness, independence, confidence, consistency, kindness, leadership, stability, maturity, loyalty, motivation, optimism, passion, spirituality, wealth, power and many more. Sit down one night and make a list. It will help you be a better you. 5. Learn to be alone. It's okay to be alone sometimes. Some people enjoy the company of others and depend on it. You need to learn to love your own company. Some fun things to do by yourself are go to the movies, go to your favorite restaurant and sit alone at home and watch TV. There are so many different activities you can do all on your own and enjoy it. 6. Find a passion. Writing? Hiking? Skiing? Boxing? Painting? Music? Find a passion that you enjoy and don't ever let go of it. Do what makes you happy. Your happiness is important.  7. Let go of the need to satisfy everyone. You can't always make everyone happy. You shouldn't inconvenience yourself to satisfy every single person you come across. PUT YOURSELF FIRST.
8. Ditch the negative energy. Surround yourself with positive energy and optimism. No ones needs bad juju in their life. Say goodbye, whether that be people, possessions, or your job. 9. Spread kindness. Try to achieve one act of kindness a day. It can be as simple as opening a door for someone. 10. Be selfless and selfish. Concern yourself with the needs of others and their wishes, but also be concerned with your own personal profit and well-being. 11. Try new things. Don't be scared. Overcoming your fears makes you grow tremendously as a person. Don't think about it. Don't give yourself time to talk yourself out of it. Have you always wanted to jump out of a plane? Do it. Have you wanted to climb a mountain? DO IT. Have you always wanted to make a spontaneous trip to Paris? There's no better time than now. 12. Be open to change. Change isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes change can be eye-opening, rewarding and healthy. It can give you a whole new perspective on life and of yourself. 13. Cleanse your life. End toxic relationships, straighten out your schedule and obligations, and declutter your mind. There are so many beneficial ways to cleanse your life, and this is very important in your journey to find your new self. Throw away that raggedy dress from high school, wear those skinny jeans, find inspiration, and take a break from technology. Don't wait until tomorrow. Do it now. Start today. 14. Know who you are. In order to find yourself, you have to know yourself. Find the new you. It won't happen overnight, but if you put your mind to it, it will happen. 
 What is a soulmate? A soulmate is someone who you meet unexpectedly. You establish an unbreakable bond and share a magical desire for one another that's unlike anything you've ever felt before. Some people never meet their destiny in this lifetime, but maybe another. Others are lucky enough to discover their one true love, the person whom they're supposed to be with, the person they're in-lined in the stars with.
It has been said that when you meet your soulmate, you'll feel a sense of calm, security, and will experience a profound connection so deep and so strong that it will be entirely impossible to break. They will be your home. You will feel the undeniable feeling of completion when you're with them. What if you confuse a fling for a soulmate? Anyone you meet before your soulmate is simply a lesson. But, mistaking the two happens to us all. A person who disguises themselves as your forever love, will be meant to come into your life to teach you a lesson, support you, or to show you yourself. Their divine purpose in the relationship is waking you up. Remember, though, as they're intense, they're only temporary. You'll fall in love and think to yourself, "This is the one." You're wrong. Your true soulmate is the one who comes into your life and doesn't hurt you, doesn't try to change you, they'll never doubt their love or commitment to you, always will inspire you to be a better you, the person you can finally be yourself with, and most importantly, the person who you couldn't see your life without. They're not only your soulmate, they're your best friend. I understand that deciphering the two can seem widely impossible. It's definitely easier said than actually finding your person. You'll go through heartbreak, pain, and a lot of lessons. You'll love and you'll love time and time again. When you meet your soulmate, you'll know. You'll feel the sense of relief and a wave of calm will wash over you. It will be easy, never hard. Listen to your heart. Your heart will steer you in the correct direction. Trust. 
 I know you. Honestly, most days I am you. The girl who thinks she’s unworthy of love, just unlovable to the core. I know you all too well. I’m sure a lot of us females can relate. You find a man. The perfect, handsome, well-put-together man that you could see an honest future with. You date. You fall in love. You look at him and think, "How did I get so lucky?" But then, it tragically ends and you sit alone at night, crying, thinking it’s something you did. Pleading to whatever God you believe in to make the pain stop, because it feels like the heartache is going to suffocate you slowly. Maybe, you’re just too unlovable, romantically unreachable. Maybe you didn't deserve him. Maybe it was your flaws and imperfections and mood swings that chased him away. Maybe you're destined to be alone. Merriam Webster’s definition of unlovable states, “Is incapable of inspiring love or admiration : not having attractive or appealing qualities : not lovable.” My definition is “Someone who doesn’t believe they deserve to be loved or someone who doesn’t think anyone could ever love and cherish them.” It’s heartbreaking, imagining you’re the reason for your own decaying and disgraceful love life. You constantly belittle yourself into believing false and unrealistic self-judging data that it starts to become undeniable truth through your eyes. Your self-preservation doesn’t ignite so you’re left wandering aimlessly through your degrading thoughts about not only yourself, but love, too.  You anxiously plead that someone, anyone, will look at you with hunger in their eyes, a look that implies that they see the real you, the lovable, caring, worthy, you. "That day will come soon. Just be patient," they tell you. How many times have you heard that line? So many times that it's like your own personal anthem replaying constantly in your head.
Giving up on love altogether would be the easy choice, the most "practical" decision in your self-denying imagination. Don't put yourself on the back burner just because that's where you think you deserve to be. You need to work every day on being a better you. Over the years, I've learned that falling in love with yourself is first priority. Don’t wage war with yourself, instead embrace the beauty you’ve been blessed with. Each and every day remind yourself that you’re lovable and worthy of pure and passionate and everlasting love. You just haven't found that special someone that's able to handle all your worth. He'll come, and when he does, the wait will be completely worth all the heartache, self-doubt and worry. Every ounce of pain you felt, will vanish when you finally find him. Just don't give up so easily. Don't ever give up on yourself. You are priority. You are worthy. You are everything. And most importantly, you are lovable.  The Next Bachelorette for 2019 is...  Hannah Brown From Colton Underwood's season of The Bachelor!
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AuthorOlivia Howe. 25 years old. Author, Blogger, and Reviewer. 3 cats. 1 dog. TV Show fanatic. Lover of all things makeup, animals, books, The Bachelor, blogging, sloths and salads. Archives
July 2019
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